A GIFT to bring back that SPARK in LOVE...

Once upon a time, there were two lovers who were living their fairytale. There were so many laughs, unending talks, heartbeat skipping moments, flirts, ecstasy, romance, fun, humor, and unending zeal to be a part of their everyday life. Everything looked so rosy and enchanting. Those fragrances of blooming love used to fill our lives with its scents. Everything was so perfect. Then with time it started fading, humor got replaced with small fights, instead of laughs there were tears, anxiety took over heartbeat skips, ecstasy turned into longing for each other and that spark of our fairytale got lost in the process somewhere. It was so subtle, I didn’t even realize when these got changed in some time. No, everything is not lost yet. Our love is still growing every day. There is still comfort and warmth in each other’s arms. We are still each other’s safest hiding spot on earth. But there’s this dead silence. No, you all are taking it wrong. We do talk everyday but it’s just same set of repetitive question and answers. We have to think what to speak before talking to each other. And that kills me. I know you all will say that’s very common it happens with every couple. That newness goes away after some time then only comfort stays and so do we. But I won’t accept it as a part and parcel of life. I want that fragrance, romance, fun, flirts, passion, unending talks back and this time to stay till death do us apart and maybe even beyond that. I am stubborn like that.

So, where should I start? Maybe I should start with finding the loopholes. If I know what was the problem I will surely find the answer. What exactly changed? For starters I was so vulnerable and open at start. I shared every feeling I felt and every thought on my mind with utmost honesty with him, both good and bad ones. But he never shared what he doesn’t like or what bothered him. He only focused on good things and kept all the grievances to himself. So, I thought only I am bothering him with my issues. That its toxic to share everything, that I too should share only good stuff with him and pretend like nothing happened, that other side of the coin shouldn’t matter to me as well. Only love shall prevail. That’s where the distance crept in between us. We started hiding the issues in our relationships first and gradually our personal life issues too from each other. Most of times when we tried to ignite the spark, one of us didn’t reciprocated well because we were dealing with problems all alone in the background and the other person didn’t even had a clue why one was behaving the way he or she did. Insecurity and fear took over after that. We both understood something isn’t right but no one addressed the issue because we didn’t wanted it to get worse. We are too precious to loose for each other and it was the same in the past as well. I didn’t want to be the burden on him by telling him about what I am currently feeling now and maybe he thought the same. He was always open to listen and he actively participated in that every time in the past. He just didn’t want to open up about his feelings and issues. After some time I felt like I was the only one complaining and whining all the time, that I was being toxic to him by telling him the truth, so I stopped doing that. But that was my biggest mistake. Just like good and bad are two sides of coin, we can’t just embrace one and leave other, the same principle goes for relationships as well. If you don’t share uncomfortable stuff, you won’t be able to share good stuff as well. There will be huge distance between you two even if you are living in the same room. The excitement, affection and understanding will evaporate into thin air before you even realize it. It will certainly show its traces on intimacy and quality time you share with each other. Even if you both want to things to get better, they won’t get better cause there will be huge communication gap between you too and a mountain of truths that is waiting to confess if you want to make it work again.

And boys hate arguments and they ran with light year speed even at the slightest hint of it. They will always crack up a joke or leave the room giving the most stupid reason in the world just to avoid that tough discussion. I am not saying that you should yell and fight with each other every now and then. I don’t support violence and abuse. But sometimes it’s essential to sit down like two mature adults and have that tough discussion that is pending since long. It is crucial to get things flowing again and remove those blocks of communication. Being able to be vulnerable in front of your partner is a key to a long lasting healthy relationship. Expressing what doesn’t feel right is as important as expressing love so that there won’t be repetitive and formal talks, that saddening longing, the distance and tears in your relationship. Your partner should be your best confidante. You don’t have to suffer alone in silence when you have such a loving person in your life. All relationships are our support systems and are given to help us in navigating through thick and thin of life. Being there for each other in both darkness and light make our relationship more intimate and affectionate. Being stuck alone is worst place to be. I don’t wish it for anyone in this big world. We all should have someone we can count on with our eyes closed. I know I am not alone facing this problem. Almost every couple face it after certain amount of time into their fairytale. But most of them don’t think about it much cause we all are so busy in our daily lives and accept it as a part and parcel of life. I hope we will all find courage to have that tough discussion now without pointing fingers at each other and without giving in the urge to prove ourselves right. It’s important to remember the why of the discussion and have a compassionate discussion without accusing each other otherwise it backfires. It is a serious warning, if you don’t do it with healthy mindset it will backfire at you creating a bigger mess to sort out but the plus point still is you will both know where the screw is. So later you can make efforts to tight it and have a healthy relationship.